The Source of True Peace
by Emily Kramer
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.”
Isaiah 26:3
I grew up an Air Force brat, which means my childhood was spent moving and starting over every 2-3 years. I spent my high school years in Hawaii and Germany. While that gave me a chance to experience amazing things, I was often filled with insecurity. As soon as I felt settled somewhere, we’d be packing up for another move. At one point, we lived in 5 houses and 3 hotels in just over a year.
Right after I graduated from high school, my dad was transferred to South Carolina. I had decided to go to college in California, because my older brother was there. I remember feeling really emotional one night shortly before I left my family that summer. I remember telling my Mom, “I really just want to go home, and I don’t know where that is.” That sums up a lot of how I felt throughout my childhood. I was shy, and I didn’t make friends quickly, but once I did, I loved them deeply. My heart broke every time I had to leave. I would watch other kids who had known each other their whole lives and wish I could have a friend like that. I saw how fun it was for my friends who lived near grandparents and cousins, and I’d think, “if only that were my life.”
It was around this time that I felt God whisper these words gently over my soul, “Your security is wrapped up in MY Sovereignty.” I recorded them in my journal so I could go back and look at them over and over. I wish I could tell you those words changed my life, but really, I still wanted so badly to feel secure in a place or with a group of people. I was sure that things would be better if I didn’t have to move anymore. Because of that, I guaranteed to anyone who would ask, “I will NEVER marry a man in the military.”
So, this girl who craved stability and security transferred colleges and changed majors twice…and ended up in Colorado. The school I chose was across town from the Air Force Academy, where several friends I’d known over the years also went to school. Toward the end of my junior year of college, an old friend from Hawaii days introduced me to his friend, whom everyone called J. After the second day we hung out together, I called my mom and told her I was going to marry him. Now, before you freak out, I definitely didn’t tell HIM that! We got married a little over a year later, and the very first thing we did as a married couple was move. By our second anniversary, we had moved four times and had a newborn. A year later, we’d moved two more times.
I can’t tell you the number of times I went back and reminded myself that my security was wrapped up in God’s sovereignty. J was a pilot, and once all of his training was done, he started deploying to the Middle East. All of those reasons I didn’t want to marry someone in the Air Force came back to smack me in the face, particularly as I watched my girls struggle with their Daddy being gone or when we moved, and they ached for friends and family.
During those years, God allowed some things into our lives that really challenged and grew our faith. As a young mom living across the country from any family support, I learned to lean on God in ways I hadn’t before. We were blessed with a wonderful church family and friends who became family to us as well. God was slowly shaping my heart and helping me to understand more fully who He is and why I could trust His sovereignty. I don’t know that I would have voiced it then, but looking back, I think I still had the idea in my head that if only we could be settled and have the type of life I always wished for, I would feel that final piece of security snap into place and I would truly be at peace.
In 2014, we had the opportunity to leave Active Duty and move near family. This was the moment I’d been waiting my whole life for! I knew in my head that my security was wrapped up in God’s sovereignty, but my heart still wanted to find that peace in earthly circumstances. Two months after we made our last move, my youngest was diagnosed with Epilepsy. We spent the next three years in and out of the hospital with him, never knowing when seizures would start or how long it would be until they stopped. The peace I longed for seemed out of reach. I prayed over and over for peace that passes understanding. I knew peace was a fruit of the Spirit, but we’re also called to “seek peace and pursue it” in both Psalm 34:14 and 1 Peter 3:11. As God worked in my heart and through my circumstances, here are some things I learned about peace:
True PEACE comes from settling in my heart WHO GOD IS and trusting Him to be faithful. I had to choose to believe:
God is With Me (Hebrews 13:5)
God Loves Me (1 John 4:7-8, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
God is Good (Psalm 145:7-9, 1 John 1:5)
Peace isn’t found in our circumstances. Peace comes from a steadfast heart that chooses to trust God in all things. Perfect peace is found only in Him.
REFLECTION:
Read the above verses then ask yourself:
Do I really believe God is who He says He is?
Do I really believe that God is with me?
Am I looking to God when my circumstances are in upheaval or trusting in someone or something else to be my security?