How Can I Help a Friend Who is Suicidal?
By Nina Newman
“What do I do if I get a suicidal text from one of my friends, telling me that they’re about to end their life. Who do I go to/what do I do to help them? Is praying a good thing to do at this time?”
First off, if you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call or text 988 to speak with someone 24/7. You also have people here at Impact who want to walk alongside you if you’d like to speak to someone face to face. There is so much hope for you. You are loved beyond words.
Before diving into such a complex/heavy subject, let me introduce myself a bit. Hi, I’m Angelina Newman, but almost everyone calls me Nina. I used to work with Impact way back in the day. I’m married to Zack, who is Karl and Jill’s son, which means I have the coolest in-laws. I’m currently a stay at home mom to my two boys, Kai and Javi. You might even know my brother, Mateo, who sometimes works in the sound booth. Small world, right?
You might wonder why I’m the one answering this question. Well, I was the teenager in youth group who was severely depressed and contemplating suicide. But I didn’t text a friend. I didn’t have someone I could talk to about it. I had experienced a lot of trauma as a kid and didn’t know how to move forward in life. Thanks to God and my amazing community (and lots of great therapy), here I am, many years later with a greater understanding of Christ’s love for me.
So now that you know just a little about me, let’s answer this question.
“What do I do now? Who do I tell? Should I pray?”
First of all, yes, please pray! 1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to “pray without ceasing.” Philippians 4:6 says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known by God.” Prayer is one of the best things you can do for your friend because the power God has is greater than anything on Earth. But don’t stop there. Now is the time to take action. Now is the time to tell a trusted adult like a parent or an Impact Leader. These are all great examples of people who can help you. Suicide cannot be taken lightly and definitely not something you should try to handle alone. Even as adults, this is something that requires outside help.
What does the Bible say about depression and how God cares for us?
In the book of Psalms, David writes many poems on crying out for help from God. He consistently brought his troubles to the Lord and shared exactly how he was feeling. In some psalms, David expressed his hopelessness while in others he rejoiced in the goodness of God. The following verses remind us that God is always near to us:
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers him out of them all. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
Let’s take a look at someone who wanted to die in the Bible: Elijah. Now Elijah was a prophet for God and saw Him do amazing things. (1 Kings 19) We see the story of how Elijah learns that Jezebel, King Ahab’s wife, wants to kill Elijah. He is scared and flees into the wilderness. While resting under a tree he says, “‘It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.’” 1 Kings 19:4.
What happens next?
The angel of the Lord comes and has Elijah eat some bread and drink water. And for forty days and forty nights, Elijah eats, drinks, and rests. (1 Kings 19:5-8) Then the LORD meets with Elijah and speaks to him. They have this interesting interaction where Elijah eventually hears His voice in a low whisper. And after, God tells him to leave the wilderness and appoint a new king over Syria. On the way, God brings Elisha to assist Elijah. (1 Kings 19:9-21)
God doesn’t try to “fix” Elijah’s sadness right away. He doesn’t tell him to get over it or move on. God takes care of his needs first for forty days and forty nights. Then once God has met Elijah’s needs, He talks with him. And even then God sends literal, physical, personal support in the form of Elisha. God knew Elijah needed a helper. God takes care of our needs when we are suffering. He is there to give us rest.
What does God’s love for us look like?
This is a great description in Ephesians 3:17-19:
“...And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Do you understand that kind of love? That never-stopping, never-ending love that God the Father has for you?
Because when you ask God to be your Savior and believe in Him, you are a child of God. You are loved so deeply and unconditionally by the God who created the entire universe. He looks at you and sees you as His precious, beloved child.
How can I help my friend when they don’t want to live anymore?
Share God’s love with your friend. You can be a direct example of what His love looks like. You can check in on them and ask them how they’re doing, pray with/for them, and listen to them. Invite them to hang out if you have the capacity. Remind them that you and so many others care for them. Invite them to Impact if they’re not attending. If they’re going to therapy or taking medication, ask how those are going. Send them that reel or meme that made you laugh. Continue to pray for them and bring the situation to the Lord who loves them.
I know that when we are in the dark pit of depression and/or suicidal ideation, it’s hard to see and feel God’s love. But it’s there, waiting for us to hold on to it. The best thing you can do for your friend is to keep showing up for them in tangible ways and pray for them to have the strength to keep going.
RESOURCES