Testimony: Joeli Kramer

I’m very blessed to have been raised in a Christian family. I became a Christian when I was about four years old. At the time I definitely didn’t fully understand what Jesus’ sacrifice meant, I just knew I needed him as my Savior. Since then, I’ve learned much more about God, and He has taught me many lessons.  

One night when I was seven, I woke up in the middle of the night to my parents talking loudly and my brother crying. It turns out my brother, who was three, had a seizure. At the time he was sick and had a low fever, so the doctors just dismissed it as a result of being sick. A couple of months later, my family moved to Washington. Not long after that, one morning I happened to walk past our bathroom, and I found my brother on the floor. He was unconscious, breathing weirdly, and drenched in sweat. What we didn’t know at the time was that Isaac had another seizure. Later that day and in the days following he had multiple more, leading to a diagnosis of epilepsy. This meant years of my brother and parents constantly in and out of hospitals, and the stays being very unpredictable.  Even though I was little I got very good at quickly packing bags for me and most often my sister who went to school and did competitive gymnastics, while I was homeschooled. It also meant lots of 911 calls, sometimes made by me while my mom tried to keep my brother breathing, and many visits to our house by paramedics. I hated having to watch my brother struggle knowing I couldn’t do anything to help. All of this made me start questioning things that many Christians may not question until they’re older. For example, I was nine and asking what the point of prayer was if God wasn’t answering mine. Or asking how God could be good if allowed people to suffer.  

After years of trying to control his epilepsy with medications that didn’t work and that made him behave completely differently, Isaac started a medical diet to try to control his epilepsy through the food he was eating. Slowly, the diet started working and he was able to completely stop medications.  

As Isaac started to get better, I got worse… Due to everything I had witnessed and gone through I developed PTSD and crippling anxiety. Traumas I had faced and all the emotions I had tried to suppress started to explode. I struggled with going to school, going to sleep, and with other daily events. I couldn’t operate. This led to months of therapy and counselling, and eventually, I built up my tool kit on how to help control it, although it never went away. Throughout the rest of elementary school and junior high I was able to operate, but anxiety still felt like it was breathing down my neck, ready to pounce whenever my guard started to fall. My freshman year of high school my anxiety skyrocketed again. I once again struggled with daily things like going to school, homework, and chores. Later that year I ended up back working with the same therapist I had in 4th grade, and I learned more about my anxiety and how to manage it. After a couple of months of talking through my daily life and addressing issues that found their roots in fears that had developed when Isaac was sick, I slowly found my anxiety dissipating. Now, there are still times when anxiety creeps up on me, but I know how to handle it, and I know if I ever need it, I have people who are willing to help me through it.  

You may be wondering now, where’s God in this story? This is supposed to a testimony, right? You’re supposed to be talking about God. Well, He’s everywhere.  

There were years when the world felt like it was falling apart.  But, during those years God was still there, and He was still good. He let me walk down the hallway in time to see my brother on the ground and get him the help he needed. He protected my brother as he had life threatening seizures over and over again. He put people in my life to help me answer my questions and allowed that to strengthen my faith. He answered prayers when Isaac’s diet started working and his seizures stopped. God walked with me, picking me up over and over again, when I was overcome with anxiety.  

I have often described the feeling of my anxiety to people who haven’t experienced it as feeling like I’m drowning. I can’t breathe and I want to fight to get air, but I can’t find the surface. Last year, during a Bible class at school, we were studying the piece of scripture where Peter walks on water. We read as Peter walked on water, then started to sink, where he would have drowned if Jesus hadn’t pulled him up. I’ll never forget what my teacher said to us afterword: he said Whether you’re walking on water or you’re drowning, you need Jesus. I was hit by the reality of his statement, and it was very personal to me. I’ve felt the highs of walking on water, and I’ve felt the lows of sinking into the waves, but I’ve learned through each of those experiences how much I needed Jesus. I needed his strength, his protection, and his comfort. I truly don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have him to lean on. He has abundantly blessed me and my family, and I am so thankful.  

I’m thankful for how he has protected my brother.  Even though he is not completely healed, he is now almost 5 years seizure free. This past spring he and I were Kurt and Maria in our school’s production of the Sound of Music. These are both things that would have seemed impossible seven years ago.  

I’m thankful for the people who He has brought into my life. The ones who walked with me, listened to me, and taught me.  

I’m thankful for how He held me up when I couldn’t stand. How He pulled me out of the water and helped me breathe again.  

I’m thankful for how he remained firm when my world, and I, fell apart.  

My favorite chapter in the Bible is Psalm 46. It highlights how God is in control throughout everything.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brough on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” 

I want to encourage you that if the storms in your life seem to drown you, God is still good, still in control, and he is there to be your refuge and your strength. So, when you are struggling lean into him, study his word, and spend time with people who will support you through whatever you’re facing. And remember, no matter how high the waves get, just like Peter, we need to look to Jesus because he is always reaching for you.