What is Love?
By Jill Newman
Valentine’s Day — You either love it or you hate it. You either have somebody, or you don’t. It’s the one holiday that’s all about love. Looking forward to celebrating with that special someone makes for a day filled with excitement. But for those without a significant other, Valentine’s Day can feel like another holiday you just have to get through. Even the songs on the radio seem to rub in the fact that everyone else has (as the band Queen sings) Somebody to Love and that, in order to be happy, the Beatles will tell you that All You Need is Love.
But what is love anyway? And how can we recognize the real thing?
Poets and songwriters since time began have been trying to answer that question. From the modern day songs like I Want to Know What Love is, What is Love? and Is This Love? to the ones that think they have it all figured out like True Love, Real Love, and Endless Love. And then there are the songs that reflect the pain of love gone wrong: Fading Love, Bleeding Love, and Bye Bye Love. Which leads many to the conclusion that Love Stinks!
The dictionary defines love as “a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” In contrast, the Christian theologian, C.S. Lewis states, “Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”
Because the world is full of conflicting answers, psychologists have even resorted to asking little children their perspective on love:
“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” ~ Billy (age 4)
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” ~ Karl (age 5)
“When you love somebody your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”~ Karen (age 7)
So, who do we trust to answer this question — songwriters, dictionaries, theologians or little children? With so many different definitions of love, no wonder we struggle to find the answer. Thankfully, whenever we are seeking truth, we can go to God’s Word to get answers. And, the Bible has a much different view of love than the world does.
1 John 4: 7-8 states, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”
Real love has to start with God. With godly love, the source is God Himself. He is love, and you can’t really love someone else unless you know God, because He is the source of all real love. Hisdesire is to give love, and His nature is completely selfless. God’s love is all about serving, forgiving, long-suffering and commitment.
With worldly love, the source is the Self. The Self’s desire is to get love, rather than give it, and by nature it’s .... selfish. The world’s love is controlling, easily angered, unforgiving and based on feelings.
But what does real, true love actually look like in real life?
In John, chapter 14, Jesus tells the disciples that because they have seen the Son, they have seen the Father. Because Jesus and the Father are One, then Jesus is also love, and we can see Him walking out real love in the gospels by the way He interacted with the people of that time.
“Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father in Me?” John 14: 9-10
In addition, the apostle Paul gave us a very practical view of what real love should look like.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
Years ago, a pastor challenged us to insert our name in this passage wherever the word love appears. For example, “Jill is patient, Jill is kind, etc.” In doing this little exercise, it can be quite sobering to see how often we fail at demonstrating love to others. But, the good news is that we were never meant to do this on our own. In fact, we can’t! It is only by the Holy Spirit working in us and changing us to be more like Jesus, that we can even come close to representing love the way God does.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”
Galatians 5:22-23 (NKJV)
The Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are One — the Trinity. They are love. We can only love others if we know and love God, and have accepted His free gift of salvation through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. Only then can the Holy Spirit work in us and through us to love others with a selfless, servant-hearted, generous godly love.
If I could pick just one song for Valentine’s Day that speaks of true love, it would be Reckless Love by Cory Asbury.
Before I spoke a word, you were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, you breathe your life in me
You have been so, so good to me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, you give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
When I was your foe, still your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, you paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
And oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, you give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
There's no shadow you won't light up
Mountain you won't climb up coming after me
There's no wall you won't kick down
Lie you won't tear down coming after me
Reflection
Read through your favorite gospel and note all the ways Jesus demonstrated His love for others.
Write down all the ways God shows His love to you. Aim for at least 5 things & write them down.
Knowing how much the Lord loves you, how can you encourage someone today who may be feeling lonely and sad?