What is Modesty?
By Jill Newman
“What does it mean to be modest in your behavior, attire, etc?”
Modesty. Just say the word and many people immediately grab their soapbox and get ready to spout their opinions on the subject. While no two opinions are completely alike, many would agree that a modest home, for example, is considered a well-cared for, but basic house. The same is true regarding a modest meal. While it may be small and simple, it’s still healthy and good. Although we likely disagree on the details, most of us agree that modest clothing is a good thing, yet when it comes to our behavior and abilities, people frequently say, “Don’t be so modest.” Like it’s a bad thing. So which is it?
Is modesty a good thing, and if so, what does it mean to be modest?
The dictionary defines modesty as it relates to behavior, as ‘the tendency not to talk about or draw attention to your own abilities and achievements.’ In regards to attire, modesty is defined as ‘socially acceptable clothing representing traditional cultural values.’ A good synonym for modesty is humility.
Although it can be confusing with all of the different opinions regarding modesty, the Bible gives us clear principles to think about and follow.
Let’s start with behavior. How can we know what modest or humble behavior truly is? Here are three questions we can ask ourselves to help evaluate if we are being modest in our actions.
1.Who do I represent?
“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
If you have accepted God’s free gift of salvation through the grace-filled sacrifice of Jesus, you are now a child of God and an ambassador for His holy name. This means everywhere you go, whatever you do, you are representing God and His Kingdom.
For example, let’s say you lived in a faraway kingdom with a gracious, loving and wise king. One day he asks you to travel to a neighboring land and be an ambassador for him. As you meet and interact with the people of that kingdom, they begin to form an opinion not just about you, but about your king. That means that every interaction you have, people will be studying your behavior, the words you speak, and how you treat those around you. Are you humble, loving, wise and kind? They will assume that your king must be the same. On the other hand, are you mean, spiteful, unforgiving and judgmental? They will assume the same is true for everyone in your land, especially the king.
Having modest behavior matters because we represent God, not just ourselves. Modest behavior shows off the awesomeness of God, not us. Can we be perfect all of the time? No, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can continue to grow and change to reflect the Lord more and more.
2.What is my motivation?
“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” Romans 12:3b
You may have some amazing gifts and talents. But not one of them is something you can take credit for. God gives us gifts and talents to be used for His Kingdom. Even if you’ve worked hard to master your talent, it is the Lord who gives you the self-control, strength and ability to learn and develop that talent. In other words, all the glory goes to the Lord. He gets all the credit. We have no reason to boast about anything.
So, what’s your motivation? Are you tempted to brag about your accomplishments or put someone down because theirs doesn’t seem to measure up to your own? Are you feeling insecure and feel like you have to ‘one up’ someone else to be respected? Or do you believe that you accomplished this all on your own without any help from the Lord?
But, what if someone compliments you on something you accomplished using your talents? Do you reject it and deny your gift? Many people, in an effort to be humble do just that. However, when someone compliments you on a particular gift or talent, it is the perfect opportunity to point them to Jesus! After all, God is the great Gift-giver, right? Let them know where your gift comes from, how you have worked hard with the Holy Spirit to develop it, and give God the praise. In other words, accept the compliment, but pass on the glory!
3.Does my behavior get in the way of sharing the gospel?
“For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. Now this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I may be partaker of it with you.” 1 Corinthians 9:19, 22b-23
We are not going to be the best witness for God if we are just living our lives to please ourselves, not caring about how our behavior may look to others. Others may see us boasting about how great we are, putting others down, cheating, lying, gossiping and make a judgment about what Christianity is all about. How likely are you to share what Jesus has done in your life if you were just gossiping with your friend, rolling your eyes behind your mom’s back or bragging about winning the game? Modest and humble behavior helps keep the door open for sharing the gospel.
Make sense? Ok, so what about modesty in our clothing choices? Let’s go back to our three points.
1.Who do I represent?
We already talked about the fact that as a Christian we represent the Lord wherever we go and whatever we do. We are ambassadors for Him. Likewise, the way we present ourselves to the world through our clothing choices also reflects how others view God and Christianity in general.
Uniforms are a great example of this. Let’s say you hop on a plane and as you are passing the cockpit you peek in and are shocked to see the pilots wearing dirty, smelly jeans, t-shirts with the armpit ripped out and broken flip flops. While this could be anyone’s Saturday morning attire at home, you are not expecting to see it from the people into whose hands you are putting your life! Immediately you begin to worry about their flying skills, their safety record and maybe even their state of sobriety! Then you begin to wonder about the mechanics who just serviced the plane as well as the flight attendants’ safety standards. Pretty soon, you are squeezing past people to get off the plane!
Uniforms are important because a uniform says to people that this person is part of something bigger that I can trust. A pilot in uniform is representing the entire airline and all that it stands for. I may not know anything about the pilot’s personal flying ability, but I can trust them because I know the airline has excellent standards, a reputation of integrity and a great track record — all represented by their uniform.
Christianity has no uniform not only because of the many different cultures in our world, but also because we have freedom in Christ. But, as Paul exhorts us in Galatians 5:13-14, “Do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: Love your neighbor as yourself.” We love each other the most when we all remember the One we represent.
2.What is my motivation?
Modest behavior does not call attention to self, but to the One you are representing on earth. The same holds true for our clothing. If you wear a swimsuit to a formal wedding, it looks like you are trying to steal attention away from the bride and groom. And let’s face it, you will! Additionally, because all good gifts are from God, we have nothing to boast about including the clothes we wear or our current level of physical attractiveness.
Standards of modesty are different all over the world. In fact, wearing a swimsuit to a wedding in a Pacific Island culture might be spot on. Again, what’s your motivation? Are you trying to draw everyone’s attention to yourself or are you wearing what’s appropriate for the occasion?
There are some circumstances where we have a little less freedom in our clothing choices. For example, some restaurants require a collared shirt and long pants for men, even in hot weather. The reason they do this is because when you eat there you become a representative of the culture they have established at that restaurant —high quality service, excellent food, attractive surroundings, etc. If you show up at the door wearing shorts and a tank top demanding to be seated, your attire (as well as your behavior!) immediately draws the attention of the entire restaurant to yourself — and not in a good way! You may not agree with the restaurant’s standard of modesty, but you have to abide by it if you want to eat there.
When thinking about what to wear, it’s important to think about the situation you are going to be in and the standards that are expected. The standards may be vastly different between what you wear to church or school, and, say, the beach!
It’s not wrong to dress to look your best. Having quality, well-fitting clothing is always a great look! Just keep in mind, what’s my motivation? Am I trying to look my best or the best — meaning better than everyone else? Am I trying to bring glory to myself or to God?
3.Does my attire get in the way of sharing the gospel?
Finally, as an ambassador for Christ, we should do all we can to open doors for sharing the gospel. Wearing a “the devil rocks!” t-shirt doesn’t exactly represent Jesus well. In the same way, wearing clothing designed to draw attention to yourself in a way that’s distracting and doesn’t represent your Christian values can also get in the way of sharing Jesus with unbelievers.
As a Christian, we belong to God — all day, every day. We can’t pick and choose when we want to represent Him. We never know ahead of time when God will give us an opportunity to share the gospel with a lost soul. Like it or not, people are always watching us and making assumptions not just about us, but about God if they know we are Christians. If our lives look no different from the world, how can we start a conversation about how Jesus has changed us?
“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, and long suffering. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.” Col 3:12,14
If we are truly believers seeking to glorify God alone throughout our lives, we would do well to pray for wisdom on how to act and dress in a way that represents Him best. Then, check our motives, and keep the spotlight on Jesus as we seek to share Him with a lost world.
REFLECTION
If we have freedom in Christ, why can’t we just act and dress however we want?
Paul states in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit if we are believers in Christ. How does this change the way we should act and dress?
What did Paul mean when he said in 1 Corinthians 9:19 that he has become all things to all men in order to save some of them? What could that look like in your life in regards to modesty?