What are the better questions to ask...
by Jill Newman
QUESTION: What are the better questions to ask when you see a non believer and want to help them? Do you just ask to pray for them, do you preach the gospel, or just ask them to come to your church? What is the best approach so they don’t just shut down and not want to talk to you?
ANSWER:
We are ambassadors for Christ and called to share His good news with others. Romans 2:4 tells us that it’s His kindness that leads us to repentance. So, when talking with an unbeliever, it’s very important to maintain an attitude of kindness and grace. If the person gets angry, you potentially lose your opportunity to share the gospel.
Since we all come from different spiritual backgrounds, it’s critical to really understand where the person is coming from. In Stephen Covey’s book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, he stresses that we should seek first to understand, then seek to be understood. When people feel fully and completely heard, only then are they ready to listen to what we have to say. Many times we listen only half way, with our minds already on to what we want to say next. When we practice what Covey calls ‘empathetic listening’, we are listening with the intent to really understand, to get inside the other person’s frame of reference. If we can see how they see the world, we can ask better questions and eventually guide the conversation to spiritual things.
“Be wise in your behavior toward outsiders, making the most of every opportunity. Let your speech always be winsome, as if seasoned with salt, so that you will discern the best response to each questioner.” Colossians 4:5-6
In the book, Tactics, Greg Koukl recommends having a goal to leave the other person with a single question or idea that will get them thinking. He says you should “put a pebble in their shoe, rather than hitting them over the head with a rock!” Give the person something worth thinking about, something he can’t ignore because it continues to poke at him in a good way. In other words, your goal in sharing your faith should be planting a seed that the Holy Spirit can grow, rather than trying to tell them everything all at once when they might not be ready to hear it.
Below are a few possible “pebbles”:
Have you ever wondered what you were made for?
Do you have any kind of spiritual belief?
What do you believe about God?
To you, who is Jesus?
Do you think there is a heaven or hell?
If you were at heaven’s gate, how would you answer the question, “Why should I let you in?” *Have you ever been exposed to the Bible? What are your thoughts about it? *What do you do when you feel guilty about something?
What do you think of when the word, sin, is mentioned.
What methods have you tried to find peace?
If what you believe were not true, would you want to know it?
At this stage of your life, do you find yourself moving closer to God, or farther away?
Praying for wisdom, listening well, asking questions relevant to the other person and maintaining an attitude of kindness and grace will go a long way to leading those we care about to a saving faith in God. Ultimately, while we are called to be obedient in sharing the gospel, even the most persuasive argument is just words without the working of the Holy Spirit in the lives of unbelievers.
Resources:
Seven Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey Tactics by Greg Koukl
Discovering My Mission seminar by Bruce Stabbert